AFC North projections: I like mine with Vince Lombardi trophies, Heinz 57 and french fried Ravens

Steelers: 14-2 (5-1) What's not to love about the defending champs? They return the NFL's best defense completely intact, and it should be every bit as good. As long as Troy Polamalu and Casey Hampton, the most underrated defensive player in the NFL, stay healthy, they're gonna make it almost impossible to find the end zone more than once a game. Offensively, they'll miss Nate Washington a lot, especially if Santonio Holmes pulls his customary disappearing act for 5-7 games out of the season. But if Heath Miller and Hines Ward are perpetually open on third down, as has been the case in the past, the absence of big plays down the field to Nate won't be a major one. If the running backs stay healthy, expect to see a whole lot of the monstrous ketchup bottle that signifies the Steelers' presence in the red zone this year.

Ravens: 11-5 (5-1) There are a lot of ways I could see the Ravens taking a big step back this year, most notably due to the departure of Rex Ryan and the aging of Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, etc. But I don't think it'll happen that way. I expect the Ravens defense to look essentially like the Ravens defense for at least one more year. I still see, however this as an offense which lacks firepower in the passing game, even if Todd Heap has his best season. Derrick Mason was never a game changer as a receiver and at this age he's barely a sufficient #2 for a team with a legitimate passing game. But with the Bengals and Browns on the schedule four times and the pieces they still have in that defense, I think the Ravens should be in the mix for a Wild Card.

Bengals/Browns: 3-13/3-13 (1-5)/(1-5) How do you even distinguish between two potentially awful catastrophucks of teams like the state of Ohio has to offer this year? And even if you knew how, why would you? I see them with the exact same record, and it's not even worth figuring out who, in my projection, would be below who, because it's a season away anyway. Would anyone even know the difference if Eric Mangini was pulling his bullshit with the Bengals or if Carson Palmer was having trouble staying on the field back to back games for Braylon Edwards to drop his passes instead of Chad Johnson? Right. Didn't think so. It's a fucking joke. Honest to god, I challenge anyone who wants to to find a 53 man roster from between the Bengals and Browns that wouldn't lose to the Steelers twice a year.