Week 3 revisited

A day late because all I've been able to think about the last two days is how much the Phils were starting to resemble the last two seasons' iterations of the Mets, it's time to revisit a fairly interesting week 3 of the NFL season. My preseason picks went 10-6, bringing the season's total to 34-14, though also continuing the decline in my results from week 1 to week 2. With the onset of bye week season next week, I'll have a significantly smaller sample size from week to week for a while, but if things keep moving the direction they are, I'll be under posting sub-.500 weeks before I know it. So, what have I learned?

Lessons Learned from the Games I Missed

Washington at Detroit: Well, for starters, I learned that even when losing to the most pathetic franchise in sports to snap the longest losing streak in the NFL in decades, one can get a perfectly respectable performance from Jason Campbell filling in for Donovan McNabb in fantasy. But more importantly, I also learned that the Redskins, after only three weeks, appear to be a team with absolutely no desire. They didn't lose to the Lions on talent, they lost because the Lions were fighting harder than them on every single snap of the game. Truth be told, they could easily have lost to one of the only teams I've seen thus far that looks worse than them, the Rams, last week, but their superior talent was enough to set up a few field goals. Amazingly, though, the 'Skins could very well be sitting at 3-3 before we all know it, with the pathetic Bucs and Chiefs scheduled for trips to the nation's capital over the next three weeks. But if they don't sweep those two games and win in Carolina in between, I think we can officially label them the Deadskins for the rest of 2009. Even at 3-3 they'll be too far behind the Giants, and likely the Eagles and Cowboys as well, to make any kind of push.

Tennessee at NY Jets: Believe it or not, this Jets win impressed me even more than beating the Patriots. To begin with, the Titans mostly kept the Jets off of Kerry Collins, which common logic would tell you is the way to beat the Jets. Add to that Mark Sanchez's first performance which looked like a rookie quarterback and you find yourself wondering how the Jets managed to win the game. Amazingly, on top of it all, the Jets couldn't run the ball even a little bit, with Leon Washington and Thomas Jones carrying the ball a combined 26 times for 66 yards. All that, and a Titans team desperate to avoid an 0-3 start couldn't hold off Sexy Rexy's Jetsies, though. They played another of the gritty, grind it out sort of game that belies the youth and transition which looked like they would define the Jets heading into the season. They face an altogether different test this week, trading in a rain-soaked defensive struggle for what will probably be either a shootout or a blowout under the dome in New Orleans. If they pass that test, it's gonna hard to convince anyone they aren't the best team in the AFC.

Jacksonville at Houston: The Texans' defense has made an absolute fool of me over the first three weeks of the season. In week 1, they gave up 24 points to the Jets, who have averaged 20 in their other two games. In week 2, the Titans, who have averaged 13.5 points in their other two losses, scored 31 in a loss to Houston. Most recently, Jacksonville put up 31 points on them, after averaging just 14.5 in their first two games. So, through three weeks, Houston opponents are outscoring their average output by an average of 12.67 points per game. I don't care if you see that as being two touchdowns or four field goals better against Houston than against everyone else, however you slice it, it's terrifyingly bad.

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati: The Steelers won't be #1 in my top 10 this week. But until I heard the words "Willie Parker" and "turf toe" in the same breath earlier this morning, they weren't gonna drop out of the top 5, either. The thing that worries me most about the Steelers right now is Jeff Reed, who looks like he has fallen off the dreaded kickers' cliff, which we all know can very quickly become a very prolonged problem. Even in one of the sloppiest games I've seen the Steelers play under Mike Tomlin, a game which included a pair of airheaded penalties against normally reliable Hines Ward, and a drop on an easy touchdown catch by Limas Sweed, and the continued invisibility of Rashard Mendenhall, they were only a missed chip shot field goal away from overtime, and a touchdown inside the last 20 seconds away from winning the game in regulation. The truth is, Tomlin must have looked at the film by now and realized he beat himself abandoning a defense which was doing exactly what he wanted it to do for most of the final drive. The entire point of a strategy like they started off employing, keeping the play in front of them at all times, giving up small chunks of yards underneath, is that the closer you get to the end zone, the harder it becomes to find those spaces to fit the ball into. If Tomlin sticks with that strategy in the red zone, instead of suddenly opening up the field by sending a pair of blitzes which the Bengals easily picked up, there probably wouldn't be panic right now among Steelers fans. He's too smart to make that mistake again, especially at the end of a game in which he hasn't managed to find a pass rush the entire time.

Denver at Oakland: As I indicated going into the weekend, I had already changed my preseason opinion on this one after just two weeks. The Broncos, even without Mike Shanahan, appear able to plug running backs into the offense and make them better than they really are. Add to that a defense which really does appear to be taking on the mentality of their newly imported spiritual leader, future Hall of Fame safety and the greatest Eagle since Reggie White, Brian Dawkins. Of course, it's not that tough to look like an aggressive, intimidating defense when you play a couple of teams from Ohio and the Raiders, but for the moment, the Broncos appear to be a semi-legitimate threat. But at the end of the day, there's a reason the Bears were willing to ship out a fairly successful starting quarterback in Kyle Orton and a pair of first round picks to get Jay Cutler. Orton just isn't good enough to win them the games teams generally need their quarterback to win.

Indianapolis at Arizona: If the Colts' undersized linebackers and secondary can do as good of a job disrupting the Cardinals' offensive timing as they did, the defending Super Bowl losers are in deep, deep trouble. We've always known they had no running game, and that their defense wasn't anything to write home about, but Warner to Boldin/Fitzgerald was supposed to be a sure thing. The Colts' defense made them look like any other one dimensional offense. It can't be too long before all the defenses in the NFL superior to the Colts figure out how to do it. Click me for the rest!

Power rankings and picks for week 3

What's more fun than top 10 power rankings? Power rankings with picks for the week!

Power Rankings
1. Steelers - Yeah, they lost, but I put them first on the list last week expecting them to lose, and honestly, they should've won the game. Jeff Reed missed two pretty makeable field goals that would've at worst had the game tied had he made one of them, but I think the bigger culprit is the playcalling late in the game. I can't see them being so content to take the game out of Ben's hands with the hint of doubt Reed has now planted. The moment they start giving him a chance on short yardage third downs is the moment they start scoring touchdowns instead of kicking field goals. It's a moment I expect to come very soon.
2. Giants - As bad as I think the Dallas secondary is, I also saw the killer instinct in Eli that he showed in the Super Bowl, something I've never been convinced is there. I still think he'll get blown over the moment he sees a January wind in New Jersey, but for now, he's a quarterback I don't wanna see with the game on the line, winning shootouts with no name receivers and Brandon Jacobs getting shut down. Now excuse me while I go vomit.
3. Saints - There was a time about six years ago when I was the only person on earth who believed in Drew Brees. I think we can all agree at this point he's a shitload better than I ever even thought he would be. I don't know that they'll score 45+ points EVERY week, but I would be shocked if they don't average 30 points a game for the length of the season. They're easily the best offense in football. They'd be at the top save for the fact that Kevin Kolb and Matt Stafford have put up 49 points on them in two games, and neither of them had even started a game in the NFL before seeing them. Can you imagine what a real quarterback might do to them?
4. Jets - Color me officially sold on Sexy Rexy's Jetsies, as Keith Hernandez would surely call them. They're essentially the Ravens' defense at its best with a top notch running game and at least as good of a passing game as the Ravens had when they won the Super Bowl. There's still not a lot to like in terms of wide receivers other than Cotchery, but Dustin Keller is a more than capable tight end and Leon Washington is a home run threat in the passing game. As much as I'd like to see them use him more in the offense, it's probably better to keep him healthy until the games start to matter a little more, especially if they're winning with him as a secondary threat.
5. Patriots - I'm having trouble keeping the faith here, but I just really don't think things are as bad as people want them to look. Everyone has known for as long as the forward pass has been a part of the game that the way to beat a great passing offense is to get quick pressure on the quarterback. You don't have to get sacks, you just have to get on his ass before he's ready to get rid of the ball. The result, when you succeed at that, is what we saw last week. As much as people are killing the defense, they gave up all of 16 points last week, and kept the Jets from finding the end zone more than once despite being in good field position all day. As long as Belichick is the one breaking down the film and coming up with the defensive gameplan, I wouldn't wanna face them.
6. Colts - Here's the thing: as I've said before, the Colts' defense sucks. But Monday night reminded me of a very important principle: they can only give up one touchdown at a time, and Peyton always scores when he's down a touchdown or more, and practically always scores otherwise. If the other team doesn't hold up their end of the bargain, he wins the shootout. Who the hell cares that his receivers have the names of Frenchmen and puppies? He's Peyton Manning. He will beat you.
7. Eagles - I said last week that I was putting the Eagles where I did based on the assumption that we'd have a healthy Donovan McNabb coming out of the bye, and that assumption continues to dictate this ranking. I'm not down on the defense for getting picked apart by Drew Brees like everyone else does. Half of the Saints' points were scored off of turnovers, most notably the two touchdowns the Saints scored in the opening minutes of the second half, which turned the game into a blowout. The Eagles' defense was essentially on the field for the first 11 minutes of the third quarter, with their backs against the wall the entire time. When you look at it that way, it's hard to blame them for the fact that their backs broke.
8. Falcons - I feel like a broken record, but I have nothing much to add to my last opinion on the Falcons. We should finally get a chance to see Brady with some time to throw or some dudes wide open unless the Falcons conjure up a pass rush from out of nowhere. I don't see their deficiency in stopping the run being much of a problem against those pass-happy Pats, but down the road, I just don't think they can hang with the Saints in a shootout, and I'm not convinced a great defense couldn't pretty much shut them down. But against anything less, they should be able to out score their defense most weeks.
9. Packers - I was once totally in love with the Packers' defense, but then all of a sudden they couldn't tackle Cedric Benson and they couldn't get pressure on Carson Palmer and they couldn't even manage to get off the field on 3rd and 34. That kind of thing stays in your memory, especially when it happens against the Bungles. That they made it close late was admirable and an encouraging sign that their offense is gonna be what we thought they were, but man. 3rd and 34 against the Bengals. How do you blow that?
10. Vikings - I'm gonna continue to pretend the Vikings don't play in my NFL for as long as I can, because I can't stand the thought of them or the sight of them, but unfortunately, I couldn't justify anyone being ahead of them in this spot. Adrian Peterson is better than the remaining 22 teams in the league single-handedly, and their defense is good enough to justify putting them as high as you want to put them. But when they need to win games with the pass, and they will, because all teams eventually do, Brett Favre will lose them those games. He'll lose them because karma has to hate him by now, he'll lose them because he's 453 years old with a fucked up shoulder, and most of all he'll lose them because he thinks his arm is infallible and he'll eventually make a dumb throw. When you have that reckless schmuck as your quarterback, you go no higher than the lowest spot I can put you in without feeling like I'm just kidding myself.

Picks for week 3

(Bold= my preseason pick, Italics = what I would pick today)
Washington @ Detriot

Green Bay @ St. Louis
San Francisco @ Minnesota
Atlanta @ New England

Tennessee @ NY Jets

Kansas City @ Philadelphia

NY Giants @ Tampa Bay

Cleveland @ Baltimore

Jacksonville @ Houston

New Orleans @ Buffalo

Chicago @ Seattle

Miami @ San Diego

Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati

Denver @ Oakland

Indianapolis @ Arizona

Carolina @ Dallas

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Week 2 projections revisited

Week 2 of the NFL season is in the books, and with it, another round of my projections have been put to the test. Slightly worse performance this week than last (11-5 this week, 24-8 overall), but on the whole, things have looked largely as I expected them to. Without further ado, here's what I've learned:

Lessons learned from the games I missed:

Bengals at Packers: The Packers' defense couldn't manage to get off the field on third downs at all, getting stops, it seemed, only on the two possessions which ended in Carson Palmer interceptions. When they had the ball, a plethora of drops, a fumble by Ryan Grant to kill a drive that was shaping up to be an easy march for points, and the complete disappearance of Greg Jennings could have turned this game into a Bengals romp, but true to form, they bungled their way into a tight situation, surviving only as a result of a false start which killed the game's final seconds. Despite laying an egg, The Packers' defense still looks, to me, like a very good unit, and I expect them to look like the one which manhandled the Bears more frequently than the one Carson Palmer picked apart.

Baltimore at San Diego: To begin with, Shawne Merriman just isn't himself yet. I don't buy the notion that Tom Brady's struggles are ACL-related, but Merriman just doesn't seem to have any burst, and once he's blocked, he might as well be in a protective bubble until the play ends, because he isn't gonna be shedding it any time soon. Meanwhile, it doesn't look like the Ravens' defense is gonna be able to limit teams' scoring the way they're accustomed to, but they've still got playmakers and when the rubber meets the road, they're probably still gonna make plays. I doubt they'll keep scoring 30 points a game, or anywhere close to it, when they see a defense capable of generating some pressure without blitzing.

Giants at Dallas: I really didn't learn anything at all, except that I was too kind to the Cowboys in making my projections. I said then, and believe now, that the Cowboys are a pretty distant third, in my mind, to the Giants and Eagles, and that the biggest reasons for that was that their defense didn't impress me even a little bit and Tony Romo would find ways to lose whatever tight games they found themselves in. Lo and behold, in front of the "biggest crowd in NFL history" (about 20% of whom watched the game on video screens in the concourses) Tony Romo completed less than 50% of his passes, threw three interceptions, and amazingly, only lost because his defense couldn't stop Eli Manning marching the ball straight down the field to set up a game winning field goal, despite knowing exactly what was coming. When you allow a pair of guys starting their second NFL games at wide receiver on the road in the grand opening of the most opulent stadium the NFL has ever seen to catch 10 balls each, you fucking suck at defense. There's just no other way to see it.

And the teams I've missed on twice:

Patriots at Jets: Clearly, I was wrong about the Patriots not losing a game. But as I said then, I expected to be wrong about that. What I didn't expect to be wrong about was that the Patriots should have won that game. To put it simply, I slept on the Jets' defense. Rex Ryan's scheme is so different from what their holdovers have played in, and he was bringing in so many new parts, I just didn't think it would catch on right away. There's a lot of chatter right now about Tom Brady's knee, and perhaps it's valid, but I don't think it's fair to put the blame on Brady for his inability to bring his team back late on Sunday. The Jets' defense made it clear all week they intended to harass Brady by any means necessary, even if it meant letting receivers run down the sidelines totally uncovered. They succeeded in ruining their timing, if not at actually sacking Brady, and the Patriots didn't have an answer. I still think it's going to be the very rare week that holding the opponent to 16 points isn't good enough defensively to set up an easy Patriots win.

Saints at Eagles: I've missed on both of the Eagles' first two games, but my opinion hasn't changed even a little bit. Despite being urged to blame it, I thought the Eagles' defense played admirably given the competition. They got more turnovers/stops than I expect most teams to get against the Saints, despite being on the field most of the day thanks to an offense which didn't sustain drives and joined the special teams in committing a bevy of penalties and turnovers. It was, in short, an ugly game for the Eagles, but I don't think a very meaningful one at this point. If McNabb is healthy coming out of the bye week, even if they manage to lose against Kansas City this weekend, the Eagles will be fine. If we're looking at a Kevin Kolb offense for the rest of the season, say hello to mediocrity. Click me for the rest!

Charlie tips his hand: Happ to bullpen for postseason

If there was any doubt remaining as to Phils manager Charlie Manuel's plans for the postseason rotation, he would appear to have unwittingly revealed them last night. Making his first start after missing two with an oblique injury, Phils' rookie J.A. Happ lasted just three innings before being pulled from the game for "precautionary reasons" after grimacing on his way to cover first base. As Charlie put it after the game, "I thought we would take him out of the game for precautionary reasons, we need lefties." While that's undoubtedly true, Charlie left the most important phrase out of that thought: "in the bullpen."

Were Happ to be in the postseason rotation over Pedro Martinez, the Phils' current "fifth" starter, the defending champs would boast a starting rotation which featured three lefties in Happ, Cole Hamels, and Cliff Lee, in addition to righty Joe Blanton. Hard to see much of a "need" for lefties in that rotation, Happ or no, when it features the two best lefties in the NL not named Santana. The bullpen, on the other hand, currently features just one healthy southpaw, Jack Taschner, who has never had success getting lefties (or for that matter, righties) out in the Majors. With Scott Eyre and JC Romero dealing with injuries which have already lingered long past their anticipated expiration date, it would appear Happ is really the team's only option to bolster their left-handed relief corps, a fact which we learned last night isn't lost on Charlie Manuel. Click me for the rest!

Tulin's 10: Week 1

Click ahead for my week 1 top 10 NFL power rankings!

Welcome to the first edition of my weekly ranking of the top 10 teams in the NFL. Let's get down to business:

1. Steelers (1-0) The defending champs earned a hard fought win against the Titans last Thursday night, and oddly enough, I think Troy Polamalu's injury might well help this team in the long term. The vulnerability it gives them against the pass should make it much more plausible to score against them, which will force Mike Tomlin and Bruce Arians to stop trying to be a power running team because they aren't going to be playing 13-10 games. They're a better team throwing the ball than running it, even if they're giving up 21 points a game instead of 14.

2. Packers (1-0) I'm still just totally in love with this team, assuming the protection for Aaron Rodgers in the 2nd half was the real Packers offensive line, which I believe it was. Even if not, their defense completely dismantled what should be a pretty good Bears offense, something I think should happen just about every week. They have too many guys that can cover too much ground and too many pass rushers not to make quarterbacks' lives hell all year long.

3. Patriots (1-0) Losing Jerod Mayo for what appears to be about half the season is an absolute killer, but honestly, I'm still not seeing a game I think they should lose. Anyone choosing to look at Tom Brady the other night and see anything other than an assassin doesn't really understand football. Yeah, it took him a little time to get any kind of a rhythm going, but find me a QB other than Drew Brees who didn't last week. And he was playing the lions. Brady proved his health in the last 5 minutes of the game, the same way he's proven his greatness there over the years. Give him the ball in the 4th quarter with anything resembling a prayer and chances are, you will lose.

4. Eagles (1-0) This could change pretty quickly if McNabb doesn't play at a high level starting after the bye in week 4, but for now, I'm working under the assumption that he'll be back and himself with the team no worse than 1-2. If that's the case, they're an absolutely terrifying football team, as the Panthers could surely attest. There were a lot of questions about how the Eagles' D would look under Sean McDermott, and the answer was loud and clear in week 1: just like it did under Jim Johnson. Amazing what 10 years working as a genius' right hand man can do for ya, no?

5. Chargers (1-0) My second favorite team, like my favorite, could see a precipitous drop in the coming weeks if Shawne Merriman doesn't start making an impact. He looked slow and weak the other night, not even enough of a player to be a shell of his former self. The result, much like last year, was a serious vulnerability in the passing game, though the play that almost cost them the game was a completely blown coverage that Merriman would've had to be taking the snap to have any chance of salvaging. On the offensive side of the ball, I have to wonder if, even if he gets "starts," LT will be the #1 back on the depth chart ever again. What, exactly, isn't Darren Sproles doing better than him right now?

6. Giants (1-0) If Eli proves that he and his receivers are capable of making that one play to win a tight game on a consistent basis, the Giants will be #1 on this list in no time. Brandon Jacobs and their legion of unblockable pass rushers make them an absolute nightmare as is, and if Eli can burn teams who try to stack the line, they're practically unbeatable. The fact that they're this low should tell you my opinion of Eli and his receivers.

7. Bears (0-1) Despite seeing the absolute worst of Jay Cutler and losing Brian Urlacher for the season, I still see this as a playoff team. Cutler has always had his bad games, as all QBs do, and I think we'll be seeing that happen a hell of a lot this season against the Packers defense. Defensively, I don't see Urlacher's loss being that impactful from any standpoint other than the loss of leadership, which could hurt but can also be replaced. On the field, he's still a good player, but his best attribute, his range, has been steadily declining. I think the trio of Briggs, Hillenmeyer, and Tinoisamoa can cover more ground than Briggs, Urlacher, and Tinoisamoa without losing much of their ability to bring the ball carrier down. And having one of the best running backs in football and a quarterback who finally will give them a chance with the game on the line shouldn't hurt either.

8. Jets (1-0) Maybe it's the Jet apologist in me (11 years living in Manhattan and hating the Giants will do that to ya) but I totally believed what I saw last weekend in Houston. Week 1 of his first season as head coach, Rex Ryan had the Jets' defense, without two of the best players in its starting front seven, playing like the Ravens defense at its best. They're gonna make it very hard for most teams to score points. Their running game and offensive line should keep pressure off Mark Sanchez, who looked as calm and confident as any QB I saw week 1, rookie or no. I wanted to be wrong about the Jets this year and I think I just might've been.

9. Saints (1-0) Drew Brees remains one of the best QBs in the game, and should keep them in every single game they play, but there's still nothing to like about their defense or running game in my opinion. They allowed 27 points to the Lions with Matt Stafford literally staring down his receiver on every snap. It makes you wonder how much better that team might be if they had a coach who acknowledged the defensive side of the ball to go along with the ridiculous amount of firepower on their offense. As far as I can tell, Sean Payton doesn't even make that offense any better. Brees would complete passes in whatever system you put him in and Payton hasn't managed to get a damn thing out of the running game in his time there. Not that I think Sean Payton's a moron or anything.

10. Falcons (1-0) I make this pick with absolutely no conviction at all. It was either Atlanta or one of an AFC South trio which doesn't include the Jaguars. I think Peyton is all the Colts have, Chris Johnson the same for the Titans, and lord knows I question my pick of the Texans to win the division after the egg they laid against the Jets. So I'm left with the Falcons, whose offense is pretty good and whose defense did everything it could to win me over on Sunday, but did it against the Dolphins, who, let's be honest, suck on offense. There were still points to be had all day against Atlanta, the Dolphins just aren't capable of doing anything about it.
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Gotta get on my blog from my laptop, talk about some shit that's been on my mind

Home stretch? More like home snooze: It would be hard to blame anyone for forgetting given the total lack of drama, but it's almost the end of MLB's regular season. It's just too damn bad that there isn't gonna be much of a reason for anyone to watch the last three weeks of it. The only "close" race across baseball's six division and two Wild Card spots, the battle between the Giants and Rockies for the NL Wild Card, could easily be all but over by the end of the weekend. All of the other 7 races are currently being lead by at least 4.5 games, and it'd be hard to get too jazzed about seeing the AL Central slip even further into mediocrity if the Tigers couldn't hold on. I actually just read a blog post by a very good Phillies beat writer which posited the notion that the battle for the two middle/long relief spots at the very bottom of the Phillies' postseason roster should at least inject some level of intrigue into the end of the regular season, AND IT EXCITED ME. Someone wake me when the playoffs start.

Holy licensed videogames, Taxman!: With every mistake (and lo, there have been many), game developers must surely have been learning, because this has been the summer of the licensed video game. Going as far back as an X-Men Origins: Wolverine tie-in which many felt dwarfed the rather low standard set by the movie, this summer has seen some of the highest quality video games in memory based off of existing licenses. Batman: Arkham Asylum brings the dearly departed animated series back to life, providing an incredibly fun gameplay experience and feature-caliber cinematics and voice work. The Beatles: Rock Band manages to capture the creepiness of "I am the Walrus," the campiness of "Yellow Submarine," the incomprehensible beauty of "Something," and most importantly, the personalities of the Fab Four to the extent that it feels as much like an interactive Beatles documentary as a video game. If someone told me Richard Linklater had gone "Waking Life" all over a bunch of Beatles performance and studio footage, I would believe them. The inherent difference, of course, between these and the vast majority of other licensed games, is that they weren't shackled by being tie-ins to specific movies, but instead were built from the ground up with the gaming experience in mind. Perhaps this should serve as a clue to developers?

I'll stand by Drew: Summer TV bids its final farewell tonight as America's Got Talent gives away a million bucks and crowns another winner who, if they're anything like two of the first three, will fade almost instantly into oblivion. It seems to be a two horse race between the show's most talented performer, mother/cancer survivor/opera singer Barbara Padilla, and its most relatable, unemployed chicken catcher/southerner/cowboy song mumbler Kevin Skinner. Not having much of a predilection towards opera or country music, my personal vote would go to guitarist/singer Drew Stevyns. Perhaps it's the fact that he's been singing songs I love ("Careless Whisper," and "I'll Stand By You" the last two weeks) or the fact that I just can't help but think of him as the real life incarnation of Ray Pruitt, but I find myself constantly wanting more of the guy, which is something I can't quite say for anyone else this season.

Knowing is half the battle: for anyone who didn't recognize on their own, the title of this post is adapted from a lyric in the Ben Folds song "All U Can Eat." Here is a video of said song. Enjoy:

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Week 1 projections revisited

What fun would picking every game of the NFL season before it started be if I didn't give a little peek into the results? Overall, I was pretty much right on with my predictions, going 13-3, which is comforting, since I made them just days before the games were played.

What did I learn from the games I missed?

Denver @ Cincinnati: I didn't learn anything so much as I was reminded of one of the bedrock principles of sports: the Bengals can lose games in ways that no one else could ever even have nightmares about, and they frequently do. Both teams still looked absolutely putrid all day long. I'm sure fans of both are talking about the impressive performances of their defenses, but let's be honest with ourselves, it's the Bengal and Bronco offenses they did it against. Not exactly the 2007 Patriots we're talkin about here.

NY Jets @ Houston: I'm hoping I didn't learn much from this game, because if I did it's that I was wrong about Houston finally putting all the talent together and taking the AFC South crown. The Jets' defense made what I expect to be a good offensive team look atrocious, which a Rex Ryan defense can do, though it was somewhat surprising with Shaun Ellis and Calvin Pace suspended. Offensively, the Jets looked essentially like you'd expect, more than happy to let Sanchez turn around and hand the ball off to Thomas Jones and Leon Washington with most of his throws coming off play action. Anyone expecting much different from a rookie QB starting week 1 probably hasn't watched much football. What happens when they get into a game Sanchez has to win is anybody's guess, but if their defense keeps shutting teams down, they're certainly a team built to win with a lead.

Eagles @ Carolina: Before I get to McNabb's injury, there was a lot to be learned from the action on the field, and shockingly, pretty much all of it good. First and foremost, I learned that Winston Justice may be an NFL tackle after all. The man didn't just play admirably, he played damn well, which is even more important because while I was writing this, the Eagles placed Shawn Andrews on injured reserve, ending his season and you'd have to think, at this point, his Eagles career. Just makes it seem that much more inevitable that Runyan will be signed.

I also learned that, as I suspected, the preseason was by no means a legitimate representation of how the Eagles will play defense under Sean McDermott. To put it simply, it looked like they were running the Eagles' defense we've all come to know and love, with all the bells and whistles and faked blitzes and on this particular day an absolutely ridiculous amount of pressure right up the middle of the Panthers' offensive line. If you can figure out a way to have free rushers blowing right by the center on just about every third down as the Birds did on Sunday, you're not gonna lose very frequently.

*cue the theme from "Maude"*

And then there's the quarterback situation, which certainly appears on track to give me every last bit of the drama I asked for. My gut tells me that we don't see Donovan again until after the bye in two weeks. Even if Kolb/Garcia/Vick/WildJack go out and turn the ball over 10 times in each of the next two games and lose to both New Orleans and Kansas City, they'll be sitting at 1-2, which has never in the history of professional football been an impossible hole to climb out of with all 6 of your divisional games still on schedule. I just don't see even a little bit of logic in all but guaranteeing his condition won't improve just for the sake of maybe putting yourselves a game up on the rest of the division.

So I'll be shocked if we don't finally get our first taste of a Kevin Kolb start on Sunday. I'd also be pretty shocked if by 4:10 PM Sunday afternoon there isn't a quarterback controversy over who should replace him against the Chiefs the following week. Whatever happens, the one guarantee is that it'll be fascinating to watch it play out. What more can a fan ask for after giving up hope for actual success?

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Well, that went well!

Most weeks, this will be the place/time to catch all of my post-Eagles vitriol. It's pretty rare that a whole game goes by, even a win, which doesn't leave ranting about something. Today, I have only one thing to say: weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Should be fun to see if Sean McDermott's D is really that good or just exposed a gaping hole in the Panthers' protection scheme right up the gut. And of course, there's the McNabb issue. But for now, nothin to do but savor one of the most dominant Eagles performances against decent competition I've ever seen. Click me for the rest!

NFC East projections: I go and save the Birds for last

Eagles: 12-4 (5-1) It's all about the offensive line for this team, plain and simple. And I think they're gonna come together just fine. Maybe not in time to look very good on Sunday, but with a couple of punchless pass rushes coming after Carolina, that should be plenty of time to get it together. I expect Jon Runyan to be brought in to (god willing) back up Shawn Andrews just as soon as the Eagles can do it without guaranteeing his whole contract, as they would have to if he signed before the first game. He should stabilize the situation quite a bit. On defense, I see the team taking a step back without Stewart Bradley's dominance on the field and Jim Johnson and Brian Dawkins' leadership. But not that much of a step back. I don't put an ounce of stock in the fact that Sean McDermott's defenses looked timid and bland in the preseason, JJ's always did as well. Omar Gaither isn't the best tackler on earth but he's always had a knack for making plays when he's gotten on the field and I think he'll work out fine as the replacement middle linebacker. The most important player, in my opinion, is Victor Abiamiri. If he can generate any kind of pressure off the edge opposite Trent Cole, this defense will be very tough. Otherwise, I expect it to look a lot like the defenses from 2006 and 2007.

Giants: 11-5 (3-3) The Giants' defense is still going to make it very hard for quarterbacks to go down the field on them, and Brandon Jacobs is still literally as powerful as 2 normal men, but the Giants aren't going to miss Plax any less this season than they did down the stretch last year. Kevin Boss is far and away the best pass catcher the Giants have right now. There's a minute chance rookie Hakeem Nicks becomes a real player this year, but he's never going to be the kind of vertical, both on the field and in the air, threat that Plax was. Without him, it's a mediocre passing offense that's probably good enough for a Wild Card berth but won't be able to go out and win a game against a playoff caliber opponent.

Cowboys: 10-6 (3-3) I actually think the gap between the Cowboys and Giants is rather large in terms of talent, but don't see it making much difference in their records. The NFC East on the whole should see its record inflated at least a game or two as a result of playing the horrendous bottom three quarters of the AFC West. I still believe Tony Romo is nothing more than Brett Favre light on everything but the recklessness with the football. Their already mediocre passing game will miss TO a lot, and their defense is still being run by Wade, son of Bum.

Redskins: 7-9 (1-5) If they can keep Jason Campbell upright and healthy, this team might score some points. But Clinton Portis just can't keep up the kind of production he's put up forever, and their defense still doesn't look very good to me, Haynesworth or no. But if there's a single team I picked to finish last that I could see winning their division, this is without a doubt the one. Click me for the rest!

AFC East projections: predicting perfection

Patriots: 16-0 (6-0) I've been saying for weeks that as long as Brady is healthy this team will score on every single possession. He's healthy and I really believe they'll come close. As far as their defense is concerned, yes, there are a lot of guys missing from the past couple seasons, but Belichick has always shuffled guys off of that unit with a lot of success and I'm sure if he let a bunch of starters go it's because he had a bunch of starters ready to go. It's how he rolls. Do I genuinely believe they'll win every game? No. But the only one that kinda LOOKS like a loss is @Indy, and I just don't think I'd be able to pick against New England if that game was being played tomorrow.

Dolphins: 6-10 (3-3) I hate saying it, having rooted for him for almost a decade with the Jets and last year with the Miami notFavres but I think this is the end of the road for Chad Pennington. Miami was a lot of fun last year, especially because they left both Favre and the Pats out in the cold come playoff time and contributed to the inclusion of the Wildcat in Madden, but the league has caught up to it and the only way it's gonna work is if Pat White starts running it with some kind of legitimate passing option. If that works, it won't be long before he takes Chad's job as the quarterback. If it doesn't, it'll be even less time before the complete lack of a traditional downfield passing threat completely tanks the Dolphins' season, and costs Chad his job. The Dolphins also get hammered in the scheduling department, facing the AFC South and NFC South, perhaps the two deepest divisions in football.

Jets: 5-11 (2-4) I actually think there's a lot to like on the Jets. Aside from their total lack of a receiving corps, this team really shouldn't be far away. But Shaun Ellis and Calvin Pace, two of the most important pieces of their defense, are suspended to start the season, Mark Sanchez is a rookie playing quarterback and they have to play the Patriots twice, and both South divisions. It's just hard to find wins in those games.

Bills: 2-14 (1-5) Even since his departure from the Eagles, and especially again now that he's not a Cowboy, I love me some Terrell Owens as much as TO loves him some TO. I have a cat named Sharpie, for God's sake. But he and Lee Evans are literally all there is to like about that team. I guess Trent Edwards is alright, but how excited do you want me to get about a slightly above average QB? There's no offensive line, no running game, and no defense. How is Trent Edwards supposed to get the ball down the field when a 3 man rush can get on his ass in 3 seconds? They probably won't be quite as bad as I have them here, but I couldn't find more than two games -- Jets in Buffalo, Tampa in Buffalo -- that I believe they SHOULD win. Click me for the rest!

NFC North projections: Favre, shmavre. It's his old team's year.

Packers: 14-2 (6-0) I knew, going into my process of predicting a whole season, that I liked the Packers a whole lot. I wasn't quite sure how much until i actually sat there and decided the first time they're gonna lose is week 15 in Pittsburgh. I'm in love with every unit on this team. I even love AJ Hawk, and I FUCKING HATE AJ HAWK! They have a pair of backs who can pound it up the middle but bust it outside, a bunch of big, quick receivers who catch every perfect pass Aaron Rodgers throws them. I could go on forever. The Packers are, for my money, the best team in the NFC this year.

Bears: 11-5 (3-3) As much as I hate to say it, given my previously stated opinion of Jay Cutler, I think the Bears' offense is, for the first time in a long time, the best unit on the team. Which isn't to say I think their defense is bad, though it is getting rather old, doesn't have a great pass rush without blitzing, and lost a key contributor in Dusty Dvoracek at a position where Tommie Harris is always one snap from injury. But it isn't that. I like the Bears' offense. Matt Forte is a beast, Devin Hester, much to my surprise, is a good receiver, and Greg Olsen is poised to show why he was a first round talent. They should score points, play tough defense, and constantly win the field position battle as teams either punt to or away from Hester. I'm still not sure if Lovie Smith is over or under rated as a coach, but I like his squad this year.

Vikings: 9-7 (3-3) Brett Favre or no Brett Favre I'm just not sold on this team. Yes, they stop the run, but no one runs on them anymore. Problem solved. They still have issues against the pass which aren't going to be solved just because Antoine Winfield, good as he is, got a year older, and they did nothing else of note to solve them. Some would say they upgraded the quarterback position, but I say in name alone. Tarvaris Jackson didn't go out and win games for the Vikings, but he didn't lose them either, if only because he never had the chance. Brad Childress didn't stake his job and reputation to Brett Favre just to have him manage the game. They won't be the Eagles or Saints, but Brett will get the chance to make an impact on games in ways Tarvaris never did. I continue to believe, as I have for years, that Brett will lose his team more games than he'll win them. I dock them one for Favre's incompetence.

Lions: 3-13 (0-6) I've got the Lions winning a game on the road @Seattle. I find it hard to justify but both times I looked at that game I immediately thought "Lions." But if Stafford can find a way to avoid the oncoming defensive ends long enough to get the ball in the vicinity of Calvin Johnson, they'll score enough points to maybe make some games interesting? Yeah, I don't believe it either. But I'll root for them. Just on principle. It's just sad otherwise. Click me for the rest!

AFC North projections: I like mine with Vince Lombardi trophies, Heinz 57 and french fried Ravens

Steelers: 14-2 (5-1) What's not to love about the defending champs? They return the NFL's best defense completely intact, and it should be every bit as good. As long as Troy Polamalu and Casey Hampton, the most underrated defensive player in the NFL, stay healthy, they're gonna make it almost impossible to find the end zone more than once a game. Offensively, they'll miss Nate Washington a lot, especially if Santonio Holmes pulls his customary disappearing act for 5-7 games out of the season. But if Heath Miller and Hines Ward are perpetually open on third down, as has been the case in the past, the absence of big plays down the field to Nate won't be a major one. If the running backs stay healthy, expect to see a whole lot of the monstrous ketchup bottle that signifies the Steelers' presence in the red zone this year.

Ravens: 11-5 (5-1) There are a lot of ways I could see the Ravens taking a big step back this year, most notably due to the departure of Rex Ryan and the aging of Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, etc. But I don't think it'll happen that way. I expect the Ravens defense to look essentially like the Ravens defense for at least one more year. I still see, however this as an offense which lacks firepower in the passing game, even if Todd Heap has his best season. Derrick Mason was never a game changer as a receiver and at this age he's barely a sufficient #2 for a team with a legitimate passing game. But with the Bengals and Browns on the schedule four times and the pieces they still have in that defense, I think the Ravens should be in the mix for a Wild Card.

Bengals/Browns: 3-13/3-13 (1-5)/(1-5) How do you even distinguish between two potentially awful catastrophucks of teams like the state of Ohio has to offer this year? And even if you knew how, why would you? I see them with the exact same record, and it's not even worth figuring out who, in my projection, would be below who, because it's a season away anyway. Would anyone even know the difference if Eric Mangini was pulling his bullshit with the Bengals or if Carson Palmer was having trouble staying on the field back to back games for Braylon Edwards to drop his passes instead of Chad Johnson? Right. Didn't think so. It's a fucking joke. Honest to god, I challenge anyone who wants to to find a 53 man roster from between the Bengals and Browns that wouldn't lose to the Steelers twice a year. Click me for the rest!

NFC South projections: The tightest division in football

Falcons: 10-6 (4-2) There's almost nothing separating the three good teams in this division in my mind. The Falcons, in fact, top this projection only by projected tiebreaker. The addition of Tony Gonzalez to their offense should help Matt Ryan a lot, not that he seemed to be having much trouble last year. The Falcons also seem to be becoming the new Broncos, with a never-ending stream of potential gamebreaking backs headlined by Michael Turner and Jerious Norwood. Their defense is still suspect, but it's also head coach Mike Smith's side of the ball, so it's not unreasonable to think they could improve based on nothing but continuity.

Saints: 10-6 (3-3) While the Falcons perennially boast the scariest running attack in football, their rivals in New Orleans seem to have a similar lock on being the most prolific passing game. You can thank Sean Payton, the only coach who might ever dethrone Andy Reid as the most pass-happy in NFL history, for that, but you can also thank the NFL's most accurate passer, Drew Brees for executing his scheme to perfection. Also like the Falcons, it's hard to see them holding too many teams under 21 points, having done essentially nothing to improve a defense that's been very easy to score on in recent years.

Panthers: 9-7 (4-2) Steve Smith and the backfield combination of DeAngelo Williams and Johnathan Stewart should keep this team in games, but to win in either Atlanta or New Orleans and have a chance to win the division, this team is going to need one of two things to happen: either Jake Delhomme is going to have to match Brees and Ryan throw for throw and win shootouts, or the Panthers' defense under Ron Meeks' newly installed Tampa 2 scheme is going to have to shut them down. We've all seen what happens to Jake Delhomme when the game is on his shoulders...best of luck bending but not breaking against the Saints and Falcons.

Buccaneers: 2-14 (1-5) The very fact that Tampa has been even remotely close to contention in the past several seasons was a testament to how good a job Jon Gruden and Monte Kiffin were doing. I like Derrick Ward as a complementary back but as far as I can tell he's literally the only thing that offense has going other than Antonio Bryant. As long as it took Antonio Bryant to have one legitimately good, non-controversial year, is it really wise to expect a second from him in a row? But hey, at least they deserve the shit that's about to start raining on their heads for the way they scapegoated Gruden, right? Click me for the rest!

AFC South projections: Deep in the hearts of the Texans...

Texans: 13-3 (5-1) There's nothing not to love about this team's offense, except perhaps Matt Schaub's durability. Andre Johnson, Owen Daniels and Steve Slaton are all superstar caliber players at their positions, and this is the year everyone who hasn't noticed yet does. Rookie first round pick Brian Cushing should give the secondary, this team's biggest concern, a huge boost by providing a legitimate pass rush opposite Mario Williams.

Colts: 11-5 (4-2) They'll score some points, probably a whole fuckin bunch of them actually, but this team is still too shaky up front to be any kind of a legitimate running threat, and still too small defensively to play the game at Peyton's pace. They'll wear down as games go on, and as the season goes on, unless the offense makes their drives, productive or not, last a little longer. Add to that the fact that the defense's best asset, the mind of Tony Dungy, is now devoted to keeping Mike Vick out of trouble, and I think we finally see the Colts have a sub-12 win season. Maybe.

Titans: 8-8 (2-4) I'm a Penn State fan. Massive one. Have been since I was 10 years old and fell in love with Kerry Collins' rightful National Championship team. So it really pains me to say this, but I don't see him surviving 12 games as the starter this year. I expect their defense to take a huge step back without Albert Haynesworth completely dismantling every blocking/protection scheme from the inside out, and it just isn't pretty for Kerry when they need him to throw the ball. It won't be any prettier for Vince Young, because they're just not built to do anything with the ball other than run it up the gut with Lendale or on the edges with Chris Johnson, but I expect Vince to get the nod when it becomes obvious that the team needs the threat of his hall of fame legs to keep defenses off balance.

Jaguars: 4-12 (1-5) Maurice Jones-Drew is really good. Unfortunately for the Jags, he might be better than the rest of their roster combined. Seriously. There's nothing to like about this team, from the crappy quarterback to the nonexistent receivers to the awful defense. I'm not entirely sure how Jack Del Rio survived last year, but he won't survive this one without this team proving that talent doesn't matter, because they just don't have much of it. Click me for the rest!

NFC West projections: Please, don't go west, young man...

Cardinals: 12-4 (5-1) I know Super Bowl runners up don't tend to make the playoffs, but I think this team bucks that trend. Warner to Fitzgerald/Boldin/Breaston should be worth enough points for them to roll over offensive midgets like the Seahawks, 49ers, and Rams, and if their defense plays with the confidence and speed they played with in January/February, the Cardinals are a threat to be in Florida the last week of the season yet again. But I wouldn't be even a little bit surprised if their defense reverts and they end up winning the division, like last year, essentially by default.

Rams: 5-11 (4-2) What the hell is it with these West divisions anyway? Is football somehow at odds with manifest destiny? I literally have nothing to say about this team. Steve Spagnuolo is a hell of a defensive coach but he doesn't have even a quarter of the pass rushers he had with the Giants, which is essentially all that made those defenses so good. To top it all off, his only decent offensive players, Steven Jackson and Marc Bulger, can't stay healthy. Unless I'm way off, second place in this division really is the first loser.

49ers: 4-12 (2-4) Of course, it's better to be the first loser than the second, right? Shaun Hill just won their quarterback competition and it wasn't even close. Need I say more? It's a tragedy Patrick Willis, perhaps the best middle linebacker in the game right now, certainly the best young one, has to suffer on a defense that just isn't gonna stop anybody. Their one ray of hope is a rookie possession receiver who hasn't had a single day of training camp, preseason, or even week 1 practice. See you in the top 10 in April.

Seahawks: 3-13 (1-5) They have an oft-injured, aging quarterback, a newly minted "#1" receiver who has only ever been a decent #2 and was always opposite a stud #1, no running game whatsoever, and an aging, bad defense. Add to that a retread head coach who didn't exactly light the world on fire the first time around and it all adds up to an appropriately rainy forecast for the waterbirds. Click me for the rest!

AFC West projections: San Diego Chargers...CHARGE!

Chargers: 14-2 (6-0) As almost anyone reading this probably knows, I hold a special place in my heart for the Chargers, so it's possible that my outlook on their season is tainted ever so slightly by the powder blue lens on my sweet-ass imaginary half-charger/half-eagle sunglasses. I see precisely 4 games they should realistically have a chance of losing: @Pittsburgh and @NYG, which I have them losing, in addition to @Dallas and @Tennessee, which I do not. Even if they lost all four and found a couple other losses, they'll roll over the AFC West in their sleep. Come playoff time, though, they better hope Shawne Merriman is at the top of his game and not injured or in prison. He's their only pass rusher worth a damn and the key to making their secondary a nightmare for QBs as opposed to Charger fans.

Raiders: 6-10 (2-4) I'm not even really that comfortable with giving them 6 wins, seeing as they're the Raiders and all, but if their players are healthy, they should be able to eke these wins out: DEN, KC, CIN, NYJ, WAS, @CLE. When you look at it that way, I'm not giving them a whole hell of a lot of praise, even if they are in 2nd place.

Chiefs: 5-11 (2-4) If this division isn't the best argument I've ever seen for re-aligning on a yearly basis to even shit out, I don't know what could be. I wonder if we could convince anyone at the league office to just give the Chargers the division title and first round bye now and save LT, Sproles and Gates the wear and tear. I'd say something about the Chiefs, but they're a terrible team whose biggest offseason additions were Mike Vrabel and a backup quarterback.

Broncos: 3-13 (2-4) Of course, the Broncos' biggest addition was the subtraction of Jay Cutler, which, from a likability standpoint, is a huge improvement. Jay Cutler is a punk and, according to sources in the Chargers' locker room, he watches "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman." I hate to say it but I can't even list Brian Dawkins, quite literally my favorite player of all time in any sport, as an addition. His limited effectiveness over the last season and a half he spent in Philly was almost entirely a product of Jim Johnson putting him in the precise spot he needed to be in to make a play. He just can't move around well enough to be an effective safety in the passing game anymore. It looks to me like Brandon Marshall better get an XBox Live account because it's gonna be 1 vs. 53 all year for him. Click me for the rest!

Come back at 1:00 for my NFL projections!

Starting at 1:00, I'll post one division's projections with a little bit of my thinking each hour leading up to tonight's 8PM kickoff! This is perhaps the most scientific projection ever done...I sat, looked at every team's schedule, considered each matchup for approximately 15 seconds, and then cross-checked to make sure I had no contradictions. And then Michelle caught one. But it was the only one! See you at 1:00 for the AFC West. Click me for the rest!

A tribute to Melanie Oudin on the day of her US Open Quarterfinal

Dearest Melanie,

Only a few months ago, I had absolutely no idea who you were. If I was asked, there's half a chance I would've guessed you were a French Canadian goaltending prospect, just as an excuse to make fun of their names. I suck that way. And yet today, you've been my favorite person, team, or anything else to watch in sports this summer. Not because I love an underdog, or because of the boundless energy you bring to every point in every one of your matches, but because of the way you use that energy to punctuate every rally with a "COME ON!!!" In just a handful of matches, you've accomplished an incredibly unlikely task: you stole ownership of the phrase in my mind for all eternity. The ownership of my mental association has a long and proud history, and is a responsibility you should not take likely. Just look at some of your fallen predecessors:



My beloved girlfriend Michelle, a special ed. teacher, has a student named Tyler who loves "The Price is Right" more than anything on earth. He's known, in fact, to conduct pricing games on any and all items in her classroom without warning. My love doesn't run quite as deeply, but there's no doubt Bob Barker was a staple of every sick day I was lucky enough to have during elementary and middle school. As everyone born prior to 2000 surely knows, Rod Roddy's "Come on down! You're the next contestant on The Price is Right!" is simply indelible from my memory.

And then of course there was...


After the Price is Right, of course, came puberty. "Come on Eileen" was first popular a few years before my time, but it's never really gone away, has it? Catchy and filthy as that tune is, I'm sure I'm not the only person who listened to that song far too much as an adolescent boy.

But even Dexy's Midnight Runners didn't quite hold a candle to this next band...

POP PUNK WARNING! I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYONE WHO IS OFFENDED BY THE SOUND OF THIS SONG!



Ahh, Midtown. For the uninitiated, before he made my future wife Blair Waldorf go bad, Cobra Starship's Gabe Saporta was the bassist/vocalist for the dearly departed pop punk band Midtown, who, as the image above and the ridiculous sign that used to hang behind them on stage said, saved...if by saved, I meant sang a bunch of bitter but very catchy songs. "Let Go" was, I believe, the first Midtown song I ever heard. And for several years, I couldn't hear the phrase "come on" without having to resist the urge to follow it with "let go."

Thankfully, one of the funniest characters in recent TV/movie memory put that to an end...



Yes, Melanie, you've managed to unseat George Oscar Bluth from the front of my memory. Not even his hysterical obsession with his increasingly expensive suits on the episode "Afternoon Delight," perhaps my favorite from Arrested Development's entire run, can stand up to the mark you've burned into my brain.

So here's to you, Melanie, and here's hoping you don't lose tonight. But even if you do, take comfort in the fact that I don't anticipate associating anything or anyone else with the phrase "come on" anytime soon.

Yours,
Andy Click me for the rest!

Shit I saw yesterday and still need to vent about...

We'll leave the light on for ya...: I don't know about anyone else, but I for one am incredibly curious what the fuck Brad Lidge has pictures of Charlie Manuel doing. How else can you possibly explain Charlie's unwillingness to officially demote the former "Lights Out" closer? I, like most Phillies fans, was willing to give Lidge something of a free pass for much of this season, even willing to believe his knee was causing his case of pitching diarrhea. Unfortunately for Brad, Charlie, and all the rest of us with an interest in seeing the Phils in another dog pile in front of the pitcher's mound, "Motel 6"'s recently electric stuff belie that notion. It's plainly obvious, at this point even seemingly to Charlie, that our worst fears have materialized: Lidge is back in the psychological downward spiral that prompted Houston to ship him out of town in the first place. Charlie acknowledged as much by pulling Lidge before he had the chance to finish yet another fucktacular 9th inning collapse. Why yank him from the game if you don't see his defeat as an inevitability? Loyalty is an admirable quality in a manager, and one which has paid off for Charlie in the past, as he waited for players such as J-Roll, Ryan, and Chase to break out of slumps so deep you began to wonder if the productive days were the fluky ones. The time for loyalty is over. If this team has any hope at all of repeating, someone other than Lidge is going to have to be closing games out. If Brad really sees a demotion, after all that he's been through this year, as any sort of a betrayal, then the question of loyalty is moot. What obligation does Charlie have to stay loyal to a player who puts his own status ahead of the good of the team?

We don't need no education: I don't like piling on when shit blows up in people's faces, being a human being quite prone to making mistakes myself, but in the case of injured All-American Oklahoma Sooners Sam Bradford and Jermaine Gresham, it's just impossible to resist: THIS IS WHY YOU TAKE THE GUARANTEED MILLIONS AND FIRST ROUND DRAFT POSITION THE FIRST TIME! I know you want to win a national title. I know college is fun. You know what's even more fun? Being an NFL superstar, winning Super Bowls, and living the next 40 years like a carefree college student as you count the millions upon millions you made playing a children's game.

Scary Mother's Day: Even with the Phils giving me my nightly dose of agida and the Sooners sparking my schadenfreude gene, Tuesday's most memorable moments were provided by a pair of Moms I Wouldn't wanna Fuck with (MIWFs). Early in the day, it was Kim Clijsters, continuing her triumphant return from over two years away from tennis due to the birth of her first child, with a straight set spanking of Li Na. But as brilliant as Kim was, the mightiest mommy of the day was, without a doubt, Barbara Padilla, the odds-on favorite to win this season of America's Got Talent. Her performance last night, as it does every week, forced personal preferences (give me Drew Stevyns/Seether's version of "Careless Whisper" or anything Recycled Percussion want to do any day of the week over "Ava Maria") aside in bursting through the screen and injecting any room with life. Kim and Barbara join the likes of Beatrix Kiddo, Lucille Bluth, Dara Torres, and Debbie Phelps among the ranks of the world's most intimidating MIWFs. Cross their paths at your own peril. Click me for the rest!