John Lynch is a moron

Dear John,

While I concede you had a very accomplished NFL career, full of accolades and the adoration of millions of fans nationwide, I've never liked you one fucking bit. Even before you were the worst "good" player on a great Bucs defense which shattered my optimism for all eternity, I thought were an overrated cockstain whose reputation was built on a handful of bonecrunching hits and ignored the fairly high frequency with which you attempted to knock a dude's head off and just bounced right off of him. That said, I was perfectly happy to acknowledge that you deserved to be in the hall of fame the other day. However, if you want to retire as both a Buc and a Bronco I have no choice but to view the two John Lynches as separate, distinct individuals, neither of whom warrants consideration for a bust in Canton. Enjoy your life of solitude without the Hall, sucka!

Love,
Mgmt.